The Power of Choice

As published in the LaPorte County Herald Argus, Saturday, December 12, 2009:

The Power of Choice
By, Michelle Harmon

Have you ever dragged a screaming (and possibly kicking) toddler out of the store? Or suffered through a trip to the mall with a sulking teenager? Or possibly gotten into arguments with your preschooler over food? If these scenarios sound all too familiar, I suggest you consider giving your child choices.
Giving a child a choice between two things or allowing him to make a decision for himself is not only empowering for the child, but it also takes some of the pressure off Mom. For example, if your child constantly begs you for toys or other various items while you are shopping, instead of saying no and praying that he doesn't launch into a crying, screaming fit, give him some power and choice over your shopping. This will keep him busy and distract him from wanting everything in sight. For instance, when you are in the cereal isle, let him choose between two cereals that he'd like to buy. This way he won't beg you for Lucky Charms or some other sugary cereal. Brilliant, isn't it? You pick the two cereals that he chooses from, so you can pick two cereals that you feel good about him eating, and, yet, he is given the power to choose which one he wants. Everybody's happy! You can use this same strategy for most items you purchase on a trip to the grocery store.
As children get older, the more autonomy that desire. Your pre-teen or teenager, you have probably noticed, is beginning to contradict or question your decisions in regards to her clothes, her shoes, her activities, school, well, most everything. Apply to power of choice. When your daughter emerges from her room dressed for school in something holey, dirty, too short/tight, or otherwise unsuitable, refrain from raising your voice and demanding she go change. This will no doubt start an argument or saddle you with the silent treatment. Instead, go into your daughter's closet and pick out two or three items that are acceptable and calmly tell your daughter that she may not wear said unsuitable garment to school, but that she may wear one of these two (or three) items. She may balk a little bit, but she will change and she is unlikely to have a total meltdown or try to get away with wearing the inappropriate clothes again. She knows what is acceptable now, and she also knows that you respect and trust her enough to let her choose what to wear. Even though, you vetoed her first choice and chose the items for her to pick from, she will remember that she did have a choice and that you didn't try to control her or yell at her.
Food can often be a battle when it comes to your kids. Some kids are picky and won't try new things and some kids only want to eat things that aren't good for them; some kids have hearty appetiteis, and some kids eat like birds. Give your kid choices and dinner time will be less of a battle zone. At dinner, make two different kinds of vegetables and let your child choose which one he wants to eat. If your kid is a junkfood junkie or loves dessert, give him a choice for the week. Tell him he may have one bag of chips or some cookies for a snack each week, and he can choose which day. The rest of the days offer him fruit and other healthy snacks. Let him choose between these as well. For dessert hounds, offer choices between healthy (and still yummy) desserts like jello, pudding or fruit. Then, you can let them splurge once in awhile and offer cake, ice cream, cookies, and such.
Remember, giving your children choices empowers your child, leaving him with feelings of pride and confidence while garnering respect for you. So, relax, set up some guidelines, and let your child have it his way.