Belonging

As published in the LaPorte County Herald-Argus, Sat. July 3, 2010:

Belonging at Home
By, Michelle Harmon

It's summer. The kids are out of school, and if your house is anything like mine, your preteen or teen spends very little time at home. Last week, I think my daughter treated our home like a Motel 8. She came home to sleep and maybe eat an occasional meal or two, then, she was gone, again. And, I got to thinking, this can't be good.
It isn't. Of course we want our kids to have fun and make friends, but kids have to understand that there first priority is to the their family. How can your child contribute to the family when he's gone most of the time? Even more than that, if your child isn't home long enough for you to spend quality time together and really get to know each other, then how will you foster a sense of belonging in your child? Think of your family like an elite club, like the American Legion or the Moose Lodge, if the members never show up for events or to pay their dues, then they are going to care very little about the other members, about the club itself, and they will not really belong to the club. Same thing in families.
As parents (or Lodge presidents), we have to ensure that each member contributes in some way and that each member feels special. We want our members to continue their membership year after year, right? We want our kids to know that no matter what, they are always are part of the family, and they can always come home, right?
So, the next time your child wants to go out for the third night in a row, think twice. Spend some time with her instead. Yes, she may object, at first, but eventually, she'll realize just how important she is to you and to the family. She will know that she has an important place with you and her siblings. Then, she may even decide that she wants to spend some time with just the family, the elite club that not everybody gets to be a part of.