Making Kids Accountable

As published in the LaPorte County Herald-Argus, 6/12/2010:

Making Kids Accountable
By, Michelle Harmon

Imagine this typical scenario in a house with kids: Johnny has a baseball game in an hour, and you are just about to head out the door when you walk past Johnny's room and note the disaster. You know that you told him two hours ago to pick up his room, and, yet, there it is, still a mess. So, what do you do? You have basically two choices. You can ignore it, go to the game and tell him to pick it up after you get home, or you can tell him that you all cannot go to the game until the room is picked up. The first option is much easier. He can just pick it up after the game. So, what's wrong with that? As long as it gets cleaned, does it really matter when? Yes, it does, Mom. You told him to pick it up two hours ago, so two hours ago it should have been done. If you let it slide, you are basically communicating to Johnny that he doesn't have to do what you say, and that he still gets to do what he wants to do. You teach him nothing with choice #1.
But, you are thinking, choice number #2 isn't very appealing, either. Oh yes, it is much harder; it will take an iron will on your part. You don't want your little guy to miss his game or to be late for it. He'll let the team down. And, what will the other parents, not to mention the coach, think of you? It's hard, but you have to let all that go. If Johnny is late or misses the game, you have to let Johnny deal with the ramifications. It won't be easy, but this is the only way to teach accountability. Next time, Johnny will think twice before he ignores an order from you.
As I am writing this, my five year old is tearing up her room looking for a lost DVD. Not just any DVD, mind you. It is a DVD that I allowed her to check out from the library. About an hour ago, we were all set to go to the library, return our borrowed DVDs and books and check out new ones. This is one of our favorite things to do; all my kids love going to the library. However, as I looked into the bag full of our items to return, I just had a Mom feeling, if you will. I told my nine year old to check the DVD cases and ensure that each DVD was in its proper case. And, guess what? One of them was missing. Three Stooges, to be exact. So, I told my little stooge who borrowed said DVD to look for it. I explained that we will not be going to the library until the DVD is found. It's been an hour, and she is still looking, and the car is still parked. No, it's not easy to see the disappointment on the kids' faces, but I know that if I let it slide, my five year old will have learned nothing about taking care of library property, nor will she learn that she is accountable for her actions. So, sixty-four minutes and counting, we wait.