More Than it Hurts You

*As published in the LaPorte County Herald-Argus, October 30, 2010:
This is Gonna Hurt Me More Than It Hurts You
By, Michelle Harmon

“This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you.” You've heard this expression, right? Probably when you were a kid, and it was most likely followed by a sharp whack to the behind, right? Yes, me and my behind remember this expression all to well. I was thinking of it the other day when my eldest daughter told a lie, and my husband and I were disciplining her.
No, we didn't spank her. Spanking, in my opinion, is outdated, ineffective and more about punishment than about actually learning something. I want my kids to learn from their mistakes, so I discipline them, I don't punish them. That being said, I've been around the block long enough to know that in order for discipline to be effective, it has to hurt. I'm not talking physical pain, but the kind of pain that comes with taking one's lumps, so to speak. The only catch is that this kind of discipline takes an iron will on the part of the parent because it hurts the parent, too.
For example, as aforementioned, my darling daughter told a lie and got caught—again. This has been happening far too often with her lately, and my husband and I were racking our brains trying to figure out an appropriate way to discipline her that would actually work. In thinking about it, we determined that the only way to get through to her was to hit her where it hurts (no, not on her backside!). She's 11. The most important thing to any eleven year old is her friends. So, we told her that from now until we decide otherwise, she is to go to school and come straight home after school. No clubs, no sports, no friend's houses, no friend's over. Now, we have tried this before, but I have always caved after a week or so. Not this time; this time Mama is going the distance. My little darling is going to learn her lesson, by Golly, even if it kills me!
No, I am not looking forward to watching her sulk around the house. This will be difficult. I am even less looking forward to the calls from the school wondering why she hasn't shown up for a club meeting or a sports practice. This will be embarrassing. She will have to explain to her teachers and coaches why she has let them down. This will be tough. She will have to tell her friends why she cannot spend time with them outside of school. This will be tougher. Yes, my kiddo and I have a few tough weeks ahead. But, a Mom's gotta do what a Mom's gotta do.