Pick your Battles

As published in the LaPorte County Herald-Argus:

Pick Your Battles
By, Michelle Harmon

I've often heard the expression, “pick your battles” when it comes to dealing with coworkers, when dealing with students (I've been a teacher for ten years), and even when dealing with your spouse. It only occurred to me that other day that this little gem is a wonderful rule of thumb when dealing with your kids—especially preteens and teenagers!
My eleven year old is entering that phase of life that—when I recall my experiences at her age---I cringe. She has recently started to wake up early to straighten her hair before school and wants to wear make up. She is starting to develop physically and wants to be treated more grown up. She wants a Facebook account and a cell phone (YIKES!), and, yet, she always leaves wet towels on the floor and never remembers to clean her room. How do I get through to her?
I have found that if I get on her about every little thing, she closes up and won't talk to me and she acts like she hates me! I remember this. I remember that, at this age, everything is a big deal. So, in her pubescent mind, when I am getting on her for not picking up her room, or hanging up her coat or cleaning up the dishes, I am really saying that she is a huge disappointment. Of course, I don't really think that. But, the point is, this is how I am coming across to my daughter when I choose to go to battle with her over the slightest of errors.
So, next time I notice the towels on the floor, I won't yell and make her come and scoop them up. I'll pick them up myself, and mention to her that I have done so. That way, she realizes her transgression, but she doesn't feel attacked. I will continue to pick my battles. First on the agenda: a cell phone! Not on her life!