A Slice of Humble Pie

A Slice of Humble Pie
By, Michelle Harmon, as published in the LaPorte County Herald-Argus on Sat, March 27, 2010:

“Go to your room and think about what you did!” At one time or another (probably many times), during the course of motherhood, you've uttered these words to your child watching him stomp up the stairs or down the hall while you contemplate what he did and what you're going to do about it. Chances are you are the only thinking about what what he did. Once in the confines of his room, your child is only really thinking about how mean you are for sending him there and how long it will be before he can come out. So, where's the lesson? If you want your child to learn from his indiscretions and, hopefully, not repeat them, you have to rethink the “go to your room” scenario.
My daughter arrived home from school yesterday with a dreaded note from the teacher. She had misbehaved in school—talking when the teacher was talking and being downright rude to the teacher and to another student. I, of course, was at once angry and embarrassed. I, a school teacher by training, now has a child getting in trouble at school! Now, what? The first thing I did was lecture her about her misbehavior. Then, I sent her to her room. As I sat and thought about it, I realized that this was not enough. I could ground her, but what would this teach her? I could take away the Wii, TV time, and/or the Gameboy, but, again, what would she learn from this?
Then, it hit me! In order for her to fully appreciate the ramifications of her misbehavior, she had to take ownership of it. So, I instructed her to gather two pieces of paper and a pencil and meet me at the kitchen table. I explained to her that I wanted her to write two letters of apology. One to her teacher and one to the student she had been mean to. I told her to be sure to acknowledge her actions, explain why she acted the way she did and apologize for behaving as such. Then, I left her to it.
Once she finished, she showed the letters to me. And, I was pleased to see that she done exactly as asked, and more. She admitted her wrongdoing, explained the faulty thinking that led to her misbehavior, apologized, and, even, asked for forgiveness. After reading the letters, I talked with her about her actions and how they must have made the teacher and the student feel. After this exercise, I felt confident that after owning her actions and undergoing the humbling experience of apologizing, my daughter had learned her lesson. So, the next time your child misbehaves, consider doling out a big slice of humble pie in the form of an apology and make her own her actions.