Stepmotherhood

As published in the LaPorte County Herald-Argus:

Stepmotherhood
By, Michelle Harmon

Just like being a “real” Mom, being a step mom can be at once daunting and rewarding. In the Summer of 2007, the mother of three girls and the father of two boys got married and formed their very own Brady Bunch. But, unlike the Brady's, the kids didn't immediately get along, the new step parents didn't exactly know what they were doing, nor was there a witty housekeeper ready with a one-liner whenever things got a little hairy. Nonetheless, three years and another child later, this family of eight has managed to coexist happily with only the occasional bump in the road.
This family is my family, and I have learned much about being a step mom this past years. First off, I have learned that a step mom is not the same thing as a child's real mom and that one should not strive to be as such. Rather, as a step mom, you must be yourself and let your stepchildren love you for you and not because you are like or do things like his real mom. I remember early on, I was making spaghetti, and I put sausage and ground beef in it, like I always do, and my stepson wrinkled his nose and said, “My Mom doesn't make spaghetti like this.” At first, I was a little hurt and considered revising my recipe the next time. Then, it occurred to me that I don't need to change for my step kids anymore than they need to change for me. So, I kept on making spaghetti the same as I always have, and, guess what? It is my stepson's favorite dish. Now, they can think of me and my spaghetti. Just like I can think of them and the way the do whatever it is they each do. Be yourself. It never pays to try to be like someone else.
Likewise, house rules are very important. My stepsons do not live with us full time, and this fact posed some problems at first because the way I run my household was not the same way that their mother runs hers. However, my husband and I soon realized that we must adhere to the household rules and keep things running the same way when the boys are here. This made things easier for all the kids. My girls knew that just because their stepbrothers were over didn't mean that bedtimes were later or they didn't have chores. And my stepsons learned that even though they don't have chores at their house, all the kids do chores at our house. Yes, it was a challenge at first, but now they are used to it. And doing the chores and following the house rules lets them know that this is their home, too. They are not just visiting; they are one of us. So, don't bend the rules if you have part-time step kids because you want them to be happy and have fun while they are with you. They will be happy knowing that they are part of the group. And, your full-time kids will be happy that everyone is treated fairly.
Final thoughts: Stepmotherhood isn't easy, but it isn't impossible, either. They're just kids, afterall. Love them, be yourself, get respect, don't try to be their friend and you'll be just fine.