Tough Questions

As published in the LaPorte County Herald-Argus:

Answering the Tough Questions
By, Michelle Harmon

Like Art Linkletter and Bill Cosby taught us, “kids say the darndest things.” And, as a parent, you've probably noticed that kids ask the darndest questions, too! So, when your child comes home for school (they always pick up a few wild notions or two from their classmates) and asks you a real whopper—how do you answer?
Take, for example, my five-year old daughter, a Kindergartener—she came home from school the other day and asked me, “Mom, is it true that sometimes boys marry boys and girls marry girls? One of the boys in my class said that, but I didn't believe him because you're a girl and Dad is a boy and you're married.” Don't you love kid-logic? I was a little stunned at this one. But, I realized that the best approach is honesty. Honesty is the best policy, after all—at least that's what Mom always said. So, I looked my little girl in the eye and told her the truth. “Yes, Peyton,” I explained, “sometimes boys marry boys and girls marry girls.” Notice I used her language and didn't get into the politics of the complicated subject, nor did I impose any personal opinions on her. What would be the point of that? She wouldn't understand it, anyway. I answered her question, simply, honestly. More importantly, I let her know that she can ask me whatever questions she wants, nothing is off limits. Hopefully, this will carry over into her pre-teen and teen years. A Mom can hope, can't she?
Furthermore, like any good teacher, I believe that knowledge is power. It is important for kids to know things, to know what is going on in their world and to know the terms and definitions for all sorts of things. For example, my eight-year old said that a kid at school called her a “lesbian,” but she didn't know what it was, so she couldn't respond or even tell if it was a bad thing or a good thing to be called. I told her what the definition of lesbian is. She just laughed and said, “Well, he was wrong.” Now, she knows what the word means, she doesn't have to feel confused or threatened. She's armed with knowledge.
Final thoughts: I don't pretend to have all the answers, and I'm sure that my kids will come up with questions that are particularly daunting, embarrassing or difficult to answer. But, I'll tell you this, whatever the question, I will do my best to answer it truthfully. And, if I don't know the answer or just can't explain, I will find the answer and give it to them, or I'll tell them to go ask their Dad. Dad knows, right?