A New Kid, Day One

In the hopes to change the attitudes of my children, particularly my oldest child, a mouthy 11 year old, I am reading Dr. Kevin Lemam's book, Have a New Kid by Friday and putting his strategies into practice. Dr. Lehman's approach is a five-day program that designed to begin on Monday and guarantees a "new kid" by Friday. As today is Wednesday, I guess I will see my new kid emerge on Sunday.

On Monday, the parent is supposed to observe what is going on in the house and decide what areas in your relationship with your child really bother you. Further, the parent is instructed to think about the things she wants to change.
--In my house there is entirely too much fighting among the girls, particularly my oldest two, ages 11 and 8. Furthermore, I feel that my 11 year old does not respect me. She doesn't listen, she talks back. And I feel that I am somehow failing her and that she will not "turn out" the way I envisioned. I feel that my relationship with her is strained, and I don't always know how to effectively communicate with her.
I would like to have less fighting and yelling in my house. I would like my kids to respect me and do what I say the first time. I would like them to be kinder to each other.

Monday also calls for committing to taking the bull by the horns and expecting great things to happen.
--I am ready.


Day One outcome:

In the book, Leman talk's about reality disciplining, which basically means doing nothing and letting the child learn the hard way. For example, instead of reminding your child over and over to do her homework, let her suffer the real-life consequences of not getting it done (lowered grade, scolding from the teacher).
I tried this today with my girls. It seems that every morning I am constantly chasing after them to get ready for school. I usually remind them of the time, over and over, so they won't miss the bus. This technique generally results in complaining and makes an unpleasant morning for all. Also, I inspect my daughter's room in the morning, and give them a score based on the room's cleanliness. A passing score earns the girls allowance and TV/Wii time. I usually remind them in the morning, and, again, chase after them in order for them to get it done before the bus comes. Not this morning, this morning, I said nothing. I woke them up cheerfully and had breakfast with them. I said nothing about the time, and, ya know what? They were ready with time to spare! They did not, however, manage to clean their room. This resulted in a 0, which means no TV, no Wii, Gameboy, etc. When they arrived home and asked to watch TV, I calmly said no because they failed room inspection. Then, I turned my back and began preparing dinner. This is another of Leman's techniques: "say it once, turn your back and walk away." I was expecting an argument or whining, but it didn't happen. The girls just accepted the consequences, and we all had a very pleasant evening. Day One was a success!!!